I'm taking you on a journey....

Chapter 20: Cold ice

(From the year 2013 we go backwards to the year 2011, more precisely 10 August 2011)

When you were born!
She had actually lived in the trees. At night, when everything was asleep, she came and ate. During the day she stayed on the high branches so that nobody could attack her.

*That's not the way Andreas! I had been watching Astrid settle in with us for some time. Born here and adopted in kitten protection, she was rejected, bullied and ostracised at some point in her early teens. All the good advice and therapy didn't work. The entire group of cat ladies agreed: *Gone with her. If we had spayed and rehomed Astrid, the white breeding would have ended here. The finest lines from the far north, but the animal was suffering. However, Andreas was not willing to stop breeding whites and rehome Astrid. So I began to work with her in my own way and from a human perspective. I no longer let Astrid into the open, secure cat garden at night. And the other girls first had to learn that the living area was no longer their domain at night. They had the conservatory with adjoining cat garden at their disposal. The cat family probably didn't like this at all. But Astrid was able to breathe at night and have some peace and quiet.

Shy and withdrawn, as Astrid first presented herself to me, she dared to do more and more at night. But we were still a long way from being able to move around freely. During the day, I left the living area open and free for all the cat girls. This meant that each cat could decide for herself where she wanted to be. In the open, secure cat garden, in the conservatory or in the living area. At first, people were looking for her. But Astrid knew how to hide and slept through the day, the week, the time. Slowly, Astrid began to realise that when she was bullied inside the house, the two-legged friends would stand in front of her and hiss and growl back. The other cat girls began to realise that this white witch was under special protection and woe betide anyone who dared! But if Astrid was accepted and left alone, the cat girl in question was praised and spoilt rotten. As a result, we gained more and more time during the day and Astrid gained ground. Slowly, Astrid began to moult into a quiet ruler. If she was attacked, a deep, dark rumble rang through the house. Astrid began to fight back and when she had to, she hit back hard, fast and without compromise. Very soon, Astrid became the undisputed leader in the living area. Astrid no longer spent time outside. She liked to spend time on our roof terrace and in the living room. She was no longer interested in anything else.

When Astrid strode through the corridors, there was no more pleading, no more cowering, no more caution. Quietly, proudly and powerfully, Astrid strode ahead and no one stood in her way. We two-legged friends had long since stopped standing in front of Astrid. But Astrid was still not my favourite. I really didn't like the colour white! Back then, I thought a cat had to be dark in colour. Maybe with a pattern, but not light and certainly not white like snow!

Astrid felt at home with us. She suddenly started running around the house like a bolt of lightning. Up the stairs, down the stairs. Cooing, she climbed up the scratching post to land on the large Swiss stone pine piece of furniture in one giant leap. Then she liked to lie close to our heads when we were on the sofa and purred softly and deeply. I liked this cheerfulness, this light-heartedness without sorrow or worry. It made me smile, made me chat happily with Astrid, made me want to stroke her and the more I was drawn to this way of Astrid, the more I began to lose myself in her character and began to love this being with all my heart. Because her open way of amusing herself, this cheerful, lively manner also reflected my inner self and often made me think of my childhood, how I was as a child back then.

Astrid moved as quietly as she did and this quiet movement was not out of fear or anxiety. Astrid had a gait that could not have been more proud. When she walked through the house, it was in a way that enchanted many a visitor and made them wonder how proud this creature was, and yes, she was.

Sometimes Astrid was like a ghost, suddenly appearing and nobody knew where she was or where she had come from. The fact that Astrid came along quietly meant that she was probably the only Norwegian Forest Cat in our house that moved around our bedroom at night without making a sound. She had long since realised that the boss needed his rest and first curled up on the edge of the bed at the foot of the bed. Later, Astrid always lay on the left side of my head. She no longer curled up. She lay there in all her splendour, watched me and fell asleep with me. Sometimes Astrid crawled under my blanket and lay close to my stomach. I could feel her soft fur, hear the deep, soft, relaxed purring and whenever I held up the blanket, those different coloured eyes looked at me deeply.

Astrid accepted every kitten. Every kitten was cherished and cared for with all her heart, even when other mums hissed at her. She played catch with them, groomed them and looked after the kittens. Being a mother was a task that made Astrid blossom. There was nothing nicer for Astrid than lying in the middle of little, scurrying paws, covering, cuddling and warming the little bodies with her warmth, her magnificent, snow-white coat.

Astrid became my deepest ally! My counsellor, my wise guide. She let me participate, showed me patience, showed me what being different means, that being different can also be an opportunity. Astrid was patient with me, knew how busy I was and that there was always a lot going on here. That didn't bother her. Because in the evenings, at night, sometimes only when I woke up in the middle of the night, deep eyes looked at me long and calmly.

Back when we let Astrid go, it was on a Friday 12 January 2024, I didn't want to. I refused. Astrid was patient with me then too. She had to suffer for a week until I was able to accept it. It was okay for her. Astrid showed me simply and clearly that it was now time and that it was fine the way it was. She could no longer visit me in the evenings at night. She could no longer sleep with me and more and more of her strength left her. She could no longer hold her own and in nature she would probably have been cast out to die alone. I wrapped my soul mate in a soft blanket and together we set off to where I had to stop. But you took off and ran away. Because I told you: *Go on, go on! It's okay. Go on, beautiful, I'll stay here a little longer and hold down the fort.

I know there aren't many people who believe me, especially when it comes to an invisible world. But one night when I was lying down, I felt this warmth on the left side of my head, felt the deep, quiet purring and knew that Astrid was there.

Today, when I go to bed at night, a snow-white, velvety beauty follows me loudly and with great chatter. She moves shyly and timidly, yet proudly. If I turn or move a little too hastily, she ducks and thinks she has to run away. But when I lie in bed and call her, she doesn't need to be asked twice and chats away, kicking on my duvet. I tell her about her mum from time to time. Her eyes, deep and bright green, look at me silently for a long time. When I finish my stories and wrap myself in my blanket, she lies close to the left side of my head. We fall asleep together until I wake up in the deep darkness. Soft hair warms the side of my stomach and a head rests gently on my forearm. I carefully lift the blanket, peek under it and recognise this profound gaze that looks at me, saying, understanding and loving. *Your mother often lay with me, do you know that? Gypsy! I gently lower the blanket. Gypsy leaves the dark, cosy cave at some point when it's convenient and moves quietly through the dark house. Just like her mother once did.